How to Stop Yelling, Mom's Rule of Three

Okay let's face it, parent's yell, shout, scream...call it whatever you want, to try and lessen the blow to our otherwise fairly impressive parenting resumes - if there was such a thing.  In fact 88 percent of parents have lost it at least once in the last year with their preschooler and that figure shoots up to 98 percent when you child reaches 7 years old - my oldest is four; this scares me!

But have we ever really tried to understand why we as parents "lose it"?  
 

One day I was talking to a friend at playgroup when we got on this topic and she heard from a friend (you know the playgroup talk..."I have a friend who heard this"...and we all take it and use it as fact: but this one really is fact - smile!)  Anyway, she heard about this thing called, "The Mom's Rule of Three".  Sometimes it can be stretched to four but most of the time it's three.  Basically after about three things that irritate you or strike that 'ugh' cord and pushes your nerves, and if all three things happen all at the same time, poof, mom blows it!

I've thought about this a lot since that playgroup and it's pretty darn accurate.  If mom {1} trips over shoes {2} while kids are fighting over a toy and {3} the phone rings, mom will typically snap at kiddos!  Or {1} mom is getting tired just staring at the dishes, {2} one kid is spilling milk and {3} other is about to wipe their jelly hands on the couch and {4} the one that spilled the milk starts crying because mom ran out of the kitchen to grab the jelly handed kid, same result, mom just lost it!

So how do we stop 'losing it'?

CONSOLIDATE THE THINGS THAT IRRITATE US

It is so important to simplify and get rid of irritants - not the kids, the other stuff.  We can not make ourselves immune to emotions and uncontrollable outbursts - that's why their uncontrollable - but we can work to get rid of what's bugging us. 

First thing's first, you must get rid of and organize the things that bug you.  If you get irritated every time you have to squeeze a kid into the car because you always trip over the same box in the garage, move the box.  If it's that item in the kitchen the kids always get into, move it!  A messy desk that makes it hard to work on, clean it and design a system for you that will keep it clutter free - then e-mail me and let me know; still trying to figure that one out.

HOW?

Make a list of all irritants around your house and either trash 'em, move 'em or organize 'em.  Keep this list VERY accessible so throughout your week you can write these little irritants down to keep track and make them go away.

SIMPLICITY IS THE ULTIMATE SOPHISTICATION - DO LESS!

If your schedule is causing you to 'lose it' with your kids, then are you really getting value from what is being put on the schedule?  We all do it!  It can be addictive to be busy.  It's hard because sometimes as moms you don't feel important and being busy becomes part of our identity.  But does it make us happy?  

HOW?

Get a web/computer based calender that is easy to keep track of EVERYTHING! Playgroups, regular library story times that you like to go to, your spouses/partner's schedule, carpools, EVERYTHING!

Great calender's I like are ical for you mac users and either yahoo or gmail for you other people :).  Keep it up on your computer all day so when things come up you don't have to think about writing it down later.  Or if you turn your computer off, sticky note the scheduling item to your computer (not to your fridge where Jr. will turn it into a paper airplane, on your computer) and log all your events that day.  Every week and then again every night go through your schedule and take off whatever activities will cause you stress.  If you start to feel that twinge in your stomach just looking at an event, take it off.  You don't have to do everything.  Also remember to be realistic about nap schedules, age appropriate activities and ask for help when you need it (I will write a blog about this soon!).

LET YOUR KIDS HELP

Give your kids permission to nicely ask you to stop yelling or to ask you if your having a hard time.  When my four year old looks at me and asks, "Mom, are you having a hard time right now?" I immediately calm down and tell her, "yes I'm a little frustrated".  And then I can ask her in a much more calm and productive way to help me out by picking up the shoes/cleaning up the milk/getting a towel/etc...?  

It also helps to relate your feelings with a time they were feeling frustrated/overwhelmed (which for kids shouldn't be too hard - probably only happened 15mins prior).  It's important for kids to be able to identify emotions, not only in themselves but in others also. 

All 'n all, at the end of the day, cut yourself some slack!

 

http://startingtogrowup.blogspot.com/2011/04/how-to-stop-yelling-moms-rule-of-three.html