Kids listen to our every deed

 

 

How many times have you told your kids to change their clothes/brush their teeth/do their homework/or anything else for that matter? There is really no right answer because there is really no limit to the number of times we have to ask our kids to do something. For most of us, this is a normal part of our daily lives. We ask, and ask, and ask, and if we are lucky, our kids cooperate after the fourth request or after a loud but otherwise harmless scolding. We complain that our kids never listen to us; we ask other moms how they get their kids to behave, eat their vegetables, or go to sleep. We consult books and Internet sites at all hours on better childrearing and discipline and other parenting techniques. And still, our kids just don't listen.
But, they do observe. While we are yelling at them, they are watching us; while we argue with our husbands, they are watching; while we mutter curses under our breath at raging drivers, they are watching; and while we chat with our friends on the phone, they are watching us. If you have toddlers, you are beginning to see this already. You see them carrying on animated conversations on their battery operated toy cell phones. They pace around the house with their heads cocked, their little shoulders straining to hold up the fake phone with the blinking lights. Yup, our kids are watching our every move, even when they don't listen to one word.
The lessons they learn
The truth is that we shouldn't worry that our children never listen to us. Instead we should worry that they are always watching us. It is true. When we tell our kids to pick up their toys, they don't listen. We raise our voices, and they still ignore us. Then, we become irate and yell, and they have a temper tantrum or break down into a fit of tears. But not before they have taken careful note of our actions. In fact, every time we "tell" our kids to do something, we are teaching them a lesson. We are telling them to do one thing, but we are really showing them how to do something else. When we yell at them in anger, we are showing them how to get someone to listen to us. When we throw toys into the toy box or kick toys out of the way as we point our fingers, we are showing them how to display their anger.
And think about when you are driving your kids to school in the morning. A hurried driver cuts you off and you swerve to avoid getting side swiped. "Moron!" you yell, as you correct the wheel. You shrug it off and silently thank Allaah that nothing happened. Your kids in the back saw what happened. In these situations, we rarely explain to our kids that the other driver made a mistake by changing lanes without signaling or by turning right just as we crossed a green light. Instead, we show them how to handle such situations: curse and complain.
The lessons we want to teach
It is almost impossible to handle every situation of every day in a manner befitting for teaching our kids lessons. But if we are aware of the opportunities (and the impending dangers) of such situations, we can at least make the most out of as many situations as possible. For example, we know that disciplining our kids is one of the most challenging aspects of each day. And, during the course of a day's worth of disciplining, we find ourselves yelling, getting angry, scolding, and then usually seeking some sort of repentance for angry words or sentiments. If we could only see ourselves the way our kids probably do, we might learn a thing or two.
Well, obviously, we can't see ourselves and we can rarely stop ourselves in the midst of heat and anger, but we can prepare ourselves for these moments. If we can decide ahead of time what we want to teach our kids, we can create a sort of game plan for situations. For example, we want our kids to learn that they don't have to yell to be heard. So, the next time you ask your son to pick up his puzzle pieces and get ready for dinner, brace yourself. If you want him to understand that he needs to listen to you and comply, then figure out a way to get him to hear you. Ask him to look at you or get down on your hands and knees and start showing him how to pick up the pieces and put them in the box. Do anything but don’t yell or scream.
The lessons we learn
If we make a conscious effort to remember that our children are watching us, it will keep us in check. We will mind our manners, we will speak more soothingly, we will control our emotions, and ultimately we will see that, by our kids watching us, we are beginning to behave the way we want them to behave. In other words, it is a cycle that eventually trains parents and their children towards better behavior and emotional restraint. If we know that our kids are watching our every move, we will be mindful of our behavior and set an example with that behavior. Then, our kids will model that good behavior and essentially everyone wins.
Making promises is one of the issues that cause sticky situations for parents trying to model good behavior. Parents, from all parts of the world, have their own way of making, keeping and breaking promises. It is easy to make promises, and it is even easier to break them. Many times parents make promises on a whim and later find out that they didn't or couldn't keep to their word. Sometimes, they even forget altogether that they ever made the promise. How many times have you told your child, "Yes, yes, Inshaa’allaah (Allaah willing), I'll get you that­­____­_[fill in your own word] soon," just to keep your child quiet? The moment the words leave your lips, you should consider that promise cast in stone. A child promised a coveted prize/toy/trip will never forget that promise and will never let you forget it. Actually, quite sadly, many children roll their eyes when they hear their parents say "Inshaa’allaah" for fear that Inshaa'allaah really means "maybe" or "yeah, right" or a plain "no."
Much of our behavior depends on our intentions. If you really mean to get that toy for your son, then assure him that you will. If you don't plan on buying it, then be honest. A dishonest promise might grant you a few minutes of quiet shopping time, but in the end it will lead you further into the depths of your child's distrust. Leading children on with false promises is a guaranteed way to display behavior that your children will never forget and will probably mimic in their own adulthood.
In essence, we are designing our children's futures by our own behavior. Why perpetuate behavior in our children that we ourselves should not be harboring? Keeping in mind that our children are not only watching us but learning from us should be reason enough for us to change our behavior before it is cast in the stone of generations to come.

http://muslimchild.blogspot.com/2007/05/kids-listen-to-our-every-deed.html 

A Mother's advice to her daughter

‘Abd al-Malik (RA) said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umamah came into her, to advise her and said:

‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.

‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.

‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.

‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

‘The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

‘The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

‘Show him as much honour and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.

‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you.”

How to Stop Yelling, Mom's Rule of Three

Okay let's face it, parent's yell, shout, scream...call it whatever you want, to try and lessen the blow to our otherwise fairly impressive parenting resumes - if there was such a thing.  In fact 88 percent of parents have lost it at least once in the last year with their preschooler and that figure shoots up to 98 percent when you child reaches 7 years old - my oldest is four; this scares me!

But have we ever really tried to understand why we as parents "lose it"?  
 

One day I was talking to a friend at playgroup when we got on this topic and she heard from a friend (you know the playgroup talk..."I have a friend who heard this"...and we all take it and use it as fact: but this one really is fact - smile!)  Anyway, she heard about this thing called, "The Mom's Rule of Three".  Sometimes it can be stretched to four but most of the time it's three.  Basically after about three things that irritate you or strike that 'ugh' cord and pushes your nerves, and if all three things happen all at the same time, poof, mom blows it!

I've thought about this a lot since that playgroup and it's pretty darn accurate.  If mom {1} trips over shoes {2} while kids are fighting over a toy and {3} the phone rings, mom will typically snap at kiddos!  Or {1} mom is getting tired just staring at the dishes, {2} one kid is spilling milk and {3} other is about to wipe their jelly hands on the couch and {4} the one that spilled the milk starts crying because mom ran out of the kitchen to grab the jelly handed kid, same result, mom just lost it!

So how do we stop 'losing it'?

CONSOLIDATE THE THINGS THAT IRRITATE US

It is so important to simplify and get rid of irritants - not the kids, the other stuff.  We can not make ourselves immune to emotions and uncontrollable outbursts - that's why their uncontrollable - but we can work to get rid of what's bugging us. 

First thing's first, you must get rid of and organize the things that bug you.  If you get irritated every time you have to squeeze a kid into the car because you always trip over the same box in the garage, move the box.  If it's that item in the kitchen the kids always get into, move it!  A messy desk that makes it hard to work on, clean it and design a system for you that will keep it clutter free - then e-mail me and let me know; still trying to figure that one out.

HOW?

Make a list of all irritants around your house and either trash 'em, move 'em or organize 'em.  Keep this list VERY accessible so throughout your week you can write these little irritants down to keep track and make them go away.

SIMPLICITY IS THE ULTIMATE SOPHISTICATION - DO LESS!

If your schedule is causing you to 'lose it' with your kids, then are you really getting value from what is being put on the schedule?  We all do it!  It can be addictive to be busy.  It's hard because sometimes as moms you don't feel important and being busy becomes part of our identity.  But does it make us happy?  

HOW?

Get a web/computer based calender that is easy to keep track of EVERYTHING! Playgroups, regular library story times that you like to go to, your spouses/partner's schedule, carpools, EVERYTHING!

Great calender's I like are ical for you mac users and either yahoo or gmail for you other people :).  Keep it up on your computer all day so when things come up you don't have to think about writing it down later.  Or if you turn your computer off, sticky note the scheduling item to your computer (not to your fridge where Jr. will turn it into a paper airplane, on your computer) and log all your events that day.  Every week and then again every night go through your schedule and take off whatever activities will cause you stress.  If you start to feel that twinge in your stomach just looking at an event, take it off.  You don't have to do everything.  Also remember to be realistic about nap schedules, age appropriate activities and ask for help when you need it (I will write a blog about this soon!).

LET YOUR KIDS HELP

Give your kids permission to nicely ask you to stop yelling or to ask you if your having a hard time.  When my four year old looks at me and asks, "Mom, are you having a hard time right now?" I immediately calm down and tell her, "yes I'm a little frustrated".  And then I can ask her in a much more calm and productive way to help me out by picking up the shoes/cleaning up the milk/getting a towel/etc...?  

It also helps to relate your feelings with a time they were feeling frustrated/overwhelmed (which for kids shouldn't be too hard - probably only happened 15mins prior).  It's important for kids to be able to identify emotions, not only in themselves but in others also. 

All 'n all, at the end of the day, cut yourself some slack!

 

http://startingtogrowup.blogspot.com/2011/04/how-to-stop-yelling-moms-rule-of-three.html

Luqmân's Advice to his Son

 

The Qur’ân contains ten precious advices Luqmân offered his son. Following is the list of this advice offered to Muslim parents, that they may communicate them to their children, family and members of society that they may implement them. If this valuable advise is followed and implemented then we will all be on the straight Path leading to Paradise. Luqmân himself summed up in a few words the way to succîd in this life and on the Day of Judgement. 
 

1. Luqmân warns his son against the greatest injustice man can do. Allâh said that Luqmân said:

"O my son! Join not in worship others with Allâh. Verily, joining others in worship with Allâh is a great injustice indîd." [31:13]

Luqmân calls his son: "My Son". To do so catches his son's attention so that he may listen carefully to his father . Then he calls his son's attention to Tawhid. " Shirk," Luqmân said:" Is a great injustice indeed ".

Therefore, the one who associates others with Allâh in worship does injustice to Allâh, the owner and Creator of the universe. A great injustice is also done to the Mushrik: he subjects himself to Allâh's anger and eternal punishment in Hell. 

2. Luqmân reminds his son of the rights of his parents on him,

"and We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and good to his parents. His mother bore him upon weakness and hardship" [31:14]

He describes hardships mothers face bearing children.

"And his weaning is in two years, give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination." [ 31:14]

Luqmân mentions the total dependence of infants on their mothers for two years. Thank Allâh, and then your parents . In not, then the final destination is to Allâh.

"And if they both strive with you to make you join in worship with me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly." [31:15]

Luqmân tells his son that if the parents are Mushrikîn, then do not follow their way: Allâh's right comes first by far. Even so. for as long as the live, treat your Mushrik parents with kindness. 

3. Luqmân then describes some of Allâh's Might.

"O my son! If it be equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and tough it be as a rock, or in the Heavens or the earth, Allâh will bring it forth. Verily Allâh is subtle in bringing out that grain, well aware of its place." [31:16]

Allâh's Knowledge is so perfect that the existence of anything, big or small, is acknowledged and controlled by Him. Luqmân tries to impress his son reminding him of Allâh's absolute control over His kingdom. Such might and power must not be challenged or ignored by anyone. 

4. A great advice to Luqman's son is to establish regular prayer, on time and with the best possible performance,

"O my son! Offer prayer perfectly." [31:17]

Prayer is the direct connection between a Muslim and his Creator. Parents must take great care to teach and call upon their children to establish prayer. 

5. Luqmân advises his son to "enjoin (people) for good, and forbid from evil." [31:17]

If every Muslim observe this duty , then evil and mischief will have no place in Muslim society. 

6. After the useful advice he offered his son, Luqmân recommended patience in implementing them, and in all matters of life,

"And bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily, these are some of the important commandments ordered by Allâh with no exemption." [31:17]

Patience is a righteous act ordered, and rewarded by Allâh.

7. Arrogance is an attribute of Allâh alone and not for man.

The Creator and Owner of the universe is the only One who deserves to be Arrogant. Allâh threatens arrogant people with punishment in Hellfire. Luqmân said:

"And turn not your face away from men with pride." [31:18]

8. To be moderate is a great attitude anyone can possess,

"Nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily Allâh likes not each arrogant boaster." [31:18]

Allâh does not like that man is arrogant and proud of themselves. 

9. To be moderate in walking and talking is also one of Luqman's advises to his son, "And be moderate (or show no insolence) in walking." [31:19]

Islâm offers a code of conduct in every aspect of life. Even the way Muslims walk and talk are regulated. Islam offers guidelines in this regard that will produce the best behavior and generate respect. 

10. Luqmân reminds his son that being harsh while talking will liken his voice to the braying of a donkey. Shouting does not win hearts, rather , it will offend and alienate people,

"And lower your voice. Verily the harshest of all voices is the voice (braying] of an ass!!" [31:19]

Luqmân shows great wisdom in his advice to his son. If Muslims parents take his example, and have their children implement these advises, then by Allâh's permission our Ummah will be successful.

Baking and Washing Soda

The uses for baking soda around your house are almost endless, which is really cool since baking soda is natural, non toxic and cheap.Baking soda (sodium bicarbonate) and its close cousin, washing soda (sodium carbonate), both absorb odors. But unlike baking soda, slightly stronger washing soda can’t be ingested; wear rubber gloves when handling it.Both are not the same thing and cannot be substituted for one another.

The reason that bicarb has so many uses is because of its amazing chemical structure. Its awesome attributes that make it so helpful and versatile around our homes include:

• Mildly alkaline, so it can cut grease and oil
• It can lift dirt by fizzing in vinegar, or effervescing in water
• Its crystal structure makes it a gentle abrasive, when mixed with water to form a paste
• It buffers pH so it is a great deodorizer because it chemically neutralizes odors

Use Them to Clean Your…

Can opener: Dip a toothbrush in a paste of 2 tablespoons baking soda and 1 teaspoon water and use it to dislodge gunk.

Garage floors (and other concrete surfaces): Pour washing soda generously on oil and grease spots and sprinkle with water until a paste forms. Let stand overnight. The next day, scrub with a damp brush, hose down, and wipe clean.

Garden tools: Dip a moist stiff-bristled brush in washing soda to scrub trimmers, clippers, and more. Rinse, then place in a sunny area to dry. (Don’t use washing soda on aluminum tools.)

Grills and barbecue utensils: To combat tough grease stains, dip a moist stiff- bristled brush in washing soda and scrub away.

Stove burner grates: In a dishpan, soak them in 1 gallon warm water and ½ cup washing soda for 30 minutes. Rinse and dry.

Stained teacups and coffee mugs: Fill with 1 part baking soda and 2 parts water and soak overnight; rub with a sponge and rinse.

Upholstered furniture: To remove odors, sprinkle baking soda on the fabric, then vacuum.

Scuffed walls: Erase crayon marks by applying a baking- soda paste (equal parts baking soda and water) to white painted walls (baking soda may dull colored walls). Let dry before brushing it off with a clean cloth.

For more extensive tips and recipes visit Stain-Removal-101/uses-of-baking-soda

Vinegar - A natural cleaner & a clear champ

 

 Use It to Clean Your…

Coffeemaker: Pour equal parts vinegar and water into the machine’s water chamber, then switch on the brew cycle. Halfway through, turn off the coffeemaker and let the solution sit for about an hour. Turn it on again to complete the cycle, then run several cycles with clean water.

Dishwasher: To disinfect the interior of the machine, pour ½ cup vinegar into the reservoir and run an empty cycle, says Hunter. Or place a small bowl filled with vinegar on the bottom rack and run an empty cycle.

Drains: Clean drains―and the pipes they’re attached to―by pouring vinegar down them. After 30 minutes, flush with cold water.

Floors: Add ¼ cup vinegar to a bucket of warm water to clean almost any type of floor except marble (vinegar can scratch it) or wood (vinegar can strip it).

Glassware: For spotless hand-washed glasses, add 1 cup vinegar to the rinse water.

Moldy walls: Spray vinegar on the affected areas. After about 15 minutes, rinse and let dry thoroughly.

Showerheads: To combat mineral deposits, pour vinegar into a plastic grocery bag and knot the handles over the neck of the showerhead, securing with rubber bands. Let soak overnight. Rinse with water in the morning.

Steam iron: To get rid of mineral deposits, fill the iron with equal parts vinegar and water; press the steam button. Turn off, let cool, empty, and rinse.

Windows: Mix ¼ cup vinegar, 2 cups water, and a squirt of liquid Castile soap in a spray bottle. Spritz windows and wipe with a sheet of newspaper.

Keep your Fridge clean & Odor-Free

Bad smell from the refrigerator is a common problem of every household. There are very simple natural solutions to this issue which are easy to apply, but before moving on to the solutions it is very important to understand the causes of this unpleasant smell and the significance of keeping your fridge hygienic.

Significance of Keeping the Refrigerator Clean

• It keeps the bacteria away.
• The food stored remains hygienic.
• You get rid of the awful smell.
• Better circulation of the airflow will help in keeping the eatables fresh.

Causes of the Awful Smell

• Stale food leftovers result in the unpleasant smell and the bacteria found in such food items are injurious to health.
• Spilled milk stench is very strong and turns the whole fridge into a rotten box.
• Bacteria start to grow in the stagnant water which in turn causes odor.
• Electricity failure makes the frozen stuff soften and this sometimes results in the unpleasant smell.
• Uncovered items diffuse their strong smell.
• The thermostat issue can also result in stinky fridge as the temperature control gets disturbed and the frozen food gets defrosted.
• Fruits and vegetables get rotten and smell really dreadful if not treated right away.
• Going on vacations, leaving the fridge unattended can result in the unpleasant smell too.

Natural Remedies to Keep the Refrigerator Odorless

• Prevention is the first and foremost action to be taken. Keep your refrigerator clean and this will surely keep the bad smell away.
• A piece of coal in a small cup or plate, if placed in the refrigerator will help keep the aroma off eatables away.
• Mix some baking soda in warm water and clean your fridge by dipping a sponge in the water. Baking soda has an odor absorbing elements and is a very effective way and an inexpensive solution to the problem.
• Covering the eatables properly will help to keep their strong smells away.
• When you go for vacations, clean your fridge and make sure all the perishable items that can go stale are out of the refrigerator.
• White vinegar can also be used to clean the fridge and keep it fresh.
• Coffee beans in a jar are used in perfume shops to neutralize the strong perfume smells when you go to choose a perfume. The same technique can be used for your refrigerator. Put a small cup or jar of coffee beans with its lid open to defuse the smell.
• Do not over load your fridge with stuff as this hinders the circulation of the airflow which causes food spoilage.
• Be careful of the expired products. Keep the products with close expiry in front so you can use them before they perish.
• Spread a thick paper or newspaper on the shelves. This will ease the cleaning if something spills on it.

All the above tips to keep your fridge fresh are natural, affordable and easy to apply. It is very important to clean your fridge regularly but do not use dangerous chemicals, bleach and other such products to clean the fridge as this can be harmful for your health.